Grief Support

Love and Loss

Tara Aquila — Wed, 09 Feb 2022 16:12:41 +0000

Love and Loss Tara Aquila Wed, 02/09/2022 - 11:12

Walking into stores during the month of February, we are bombarded with images of flowers, chocolate and hearts in celebration of Valentine’s Day. These images can often be grief triggers, symbolizing love that was lost, love that will never be felt again, relationships that have permanently been altered and can’t be experienced in person. It can stop us in our tracks. How do we move from being frozen and stuck? One way is to use that very same imagery to transform the experience. We can shift these images to take on additional or new meanings, helping us to integrate our grief experiences.

Flowers: Roses are often a symbol used to express love. Let’s shift that symbol for a moment, and look at the rose as a way to check-in with ourselves, identifying a thorn and a petal of our grief experience. The thorn will represent a challenge or a difficulty we have experienced while grieving. The petal will represent a strength, a gratitude or something new we have experienced while grieving. What is your thorn and your petal today? If it feels comfortable for you, share your thorn and petal with a trusted grief ally.

Chocolate: We can also shift our relationships to objects, songs, and experiences. How did your loved one express their love to you while they were alive? Is there something that represents that love? Perhaps you shared cupcakes with your brother on special occasions. Maybe for the month of February, you try out a new cupcake recipe or a new cupcake flavor at your favorite bakery. Perhaps your grandmother inspired your love of art and there is a drawing pencil or a piece of artwork that reminds you of her. Maybe for the month, you place that pencil or that artwork in a prominent place at home, or maybe you make that gallery painting your wallpaper on your phone. Perhaps your father sung you the same lullaby at night when you were a child. Maybe for the month, you challenge yourself to learn that song.

Hearts: Community is a protective factor when grieving. When we feel more connected and less alone, it creates space for integration. We welcome you to participate in a virtual community art project. We will be creating a collage of hearts with names of those who have died. Contact Amy Romaine, aurban@centerffs.org, for details on how to participate.

So next time you head into the supermarket, see a commercial or hear a radio ad that directs your mind and heart towards love that has been lost take these imagery transformative ideas into consideration. The shift in what these images can mean to you may help you navigate your grief experience in a new light and maybe even introduce a new tradition to honor one that has passed.

If you or someone you know is experiencing challenges in your everyday life, including grief, loss, or depression, we’re here to help. Private, confidential services specialized for adults, children, teens, and families are available. Call 877.922.2377 or email access@centerffs.org to schedule an appointment.

Blog tags

Grief and Loss

Loss Support

Grief Support

Imagery

Amy Romaine, MA, ATR-BC, LPC, ACS, ATCS, BC-TMH

Clinical Supervisor, Grief and Traumatic Loss Services

New Year, Now What? – Grief and the New Year

Tara Aquila — Thu, 27 Jan 2022 17:39:37 +0000

New Year, Now What? – Grief and the New Year Tara Aquila Thu, 01/27/2022 - 12:39

It’s 2022 and for some, January 1^st comes with the stark reminder that this year will begin without their loved one. Again. Or for the first time. While others are reveling in a “fresh start” or “resolutions for the new me”, those who are grieving may be wondering how they are going to make it through another year without those who died. Many find it hard to be optimistic this time of year. Others find great comfort in a concrete marker of passing time or making it through the first year without their loved one.

How can we process our current state of grief with the start of the new year? We can reflect on our relationship with those who’ve died and rise up their memory.

Journaling can help get thoughts and feelings out of our head and on to paper. Some people like journaling prompts while others prefer to free write, either until they feel like they’re done or by setting a timer. Drawing is another way to encourage reflection. Before drawing, we can set an intention statement (I want to release my suffering), focus on a person (my loved one who died) or by asking ourselves a question (what do I need most to heal in this moment?). Starting with a blank page and making marks when inspired (doodling with lines, dots, squiggles, shapes, etc.) works for some while others prefer to use a coloring sheet like a mandala. While drawing, we will observe thoughts and feelings coming and going, some of which we will want to pause and engage with, others we will want to nod briefly at and watch them move on.

Part of rising up someone’s memory is incorporating them into our lives. We can find many opportunities to do so, from starting our day off by picking a special mug and having “coffee with dad”, to cooking mom’s favorite dinner or sharing a “movie night with uncle” and watching his favorite movie. We can also make space for them during anniversaries, holidays, events or milestones. Sometimes this is a quiet gesture, like wearing aunt’s favorite necklace. Other times, it’s making space for a moment of silence to remember those who have died or placing a photo of our loved one in a prominent place during the event.

Grief does not follow a set path, so sometimes it can be a good reminder that feeling uncomfortable or ill at ease is a normal part of the healing journey. A griever’s needs can change from day to day and it is important to realize that and adjust accordingly. While it may feel like it, we are not alone in our grief. We will get through this together.

For Camden and Gloucester county residents who have been affected by gun violence, loss due to homicide or children who have been impacted by substance use in the home and Essex county youth who have been impacted by substance use in the home, please look at our Grief and Traumatic Loss Services for support: https://www.centerffs.org/our-services/victim-trauma-services/grief-traumatic-loss-services

Blog tags

Grief and the New Year

Grief and Needs

Amy Romaine, MA, ATR-BC, LPC, ACS, ATCS, BC-TMH

Clinical Supervisor, Grief and Traumatic Loss Services