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Parenting - Giving Children Choices. Part II

Mary Beth Woodward — Mon, 09 Aug 2021 13:46:59 +0000

Parenting - Giving Children Choices. Part II Mary Beth Woodward Mon, 08/09/2021 - 09:46

In the last blog post, I talked about how giving children choices gives them some sense of power and control in their lives. Remember, children all day long are being told what to do. By providing children small choices in their lives, they feel that they have some say or some ability to make decisions independently.

In this part, we continue to discuss two different “choices” methods, the “forced choice” and the “alternative choice.”

Some children will refuse to make a choice. For example, you said to your child, “do you want to have milk or orange juice with your breakfast?”. Now, just to test to see if they have any power, some children will respond, “Neither, I am not going to choose.”

There are two ways of dealing with this. First, if the child is under six years (somehow it doesn’t work for children over six), you simply say, “Well, neither is a choice, I will give you one last chance to choose, and if you don’t make a choice, I will choose for you.” Surprisingly young children will always give in (they don’t want the power to be taken from them), “OK, I’ll take the milk.”

Over six, they might not buy this and dig their heels in: “I don’t care; I’m not going to drink either.” Here you can switch to the “alternative choice.”

“OK, maybe you are not in the mood for milk or orange juice. What would you like to drink? But one of the choices cannot be soda.” (Notice here you are giving what are called limited choices—this, this, but not this.) The child might have in mind they wanted to drink all along. “I want cholate milk.” Problem solved.

Or it could be possible they were just testing their power, and they might be thrown off that they can make a choice and are not prepared to decide what to drink, so they might ask, “What else do you have to drink.” So here again, you can use the limited choices, “Well, you can have cholate milk, water, yogurt drink, but no soda.”

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The Expert Angle

Parenting

New Jersey

South Jersey

social services

center for family services

Richard Lange, Ph.D., LPC, LCSW

Mental Health Wellness - Tips & Activities to Stay Grounded. Part III

Mary Beth Woodward — Mon, 17 May 2021 16:53:44 +0000

Mental Health Wellness - Tips & Activities to Stay Grounded. Part III Mary Beth Woodward Mon, 05/17/2021 - 12:53

There once was a psychiatrist in New York who worked with patients who were depressed. While he provided the usual treatment, he would add something out of the ordinary. He would ask all his patients to do a mitzvah.

A mitzvah is a good deed, but not just any good deed. A mitzvah is a good deed where you are not expected to get anything back. You don’t expect an acknowledgment: it doesn’t give you points; you don’t get a reward; and you might not even get a thank you. You just do it because it’s the right thing to do.

After assigning a mitzvah, the psychiatrist noticed that his patients were coming back feeling better, sometimes making significant improvements.

Whether this story is true or not, there is clear scientific evidence that mitzvahs do work. When people complete a mitzvah, the body releases oxytocin, the feel-good hormone. People also report that after doing a mitzvah, they felt they had more meaning in their lives.

What a great way to meet people and become more connected with others by simply doing a mitzvah! It’s another great tool to add to your toolbox as you try to incorporate practices to increase socialization, as part of your mental health wellness.

Your mitzvah doesn’t have to be grand gesture; it can be simple. Let’s say you’re at the market, and a bag of bananas are bought two get one free. Take the free one to a neighbor, telling them you could not eat them all and would like to share. Make cookies for your child's class, even though it’s not a holiday or birthday. Volunteer at an animal shelter, a library, or help at a local farmer’s market.

As we practice and learn to be more social, a straightforward technique is to just do good.

Are you interested in talking one-on-one with a professional? Call the Center For Family Services’ Access line at 877.922.2377 or email or email access@centerffs.org. Access will work with you to set you up with a professional counselor who can help.

Blog tags

mental health

wellness

expert angle

mental health awareness month

well being

professional care

center for family services

social services

Richard Lange, Ph.D., LPC, LCSW

Mental Health Wellness - Tips & Activities to Stay Grounded. Being Social, Part II

Mary Beth Woodward — Fri, 14 May 2021 14:10:53 +0000

Mental Health Wellness - Tips & Activities to Stay Grounded. Being Social, Part II Mary Beth Woodward Fri, 05/14/2021 - 10:10

In the previous post on mental health wellness, we talked about the need to meet with a friend face-to-face, either just talking or eating together. However, some people have only a few or no friends. In this post and the next, we share recommendations on how to be social even if you don’t have many friends.

One way to start to be social is simply to be around people. Go to a park and sit where people are milling around or walking. Walk-in a shopping center and enjoy just being there. If you happen to live close to or near one of the shore towns, take a walk on the boardwalk. I knew a woman who was recovering from an abusive marriage. She did not have any friends and was having a hard time trusting people. Once a week, she would head down to, as she called it, “walk the boards.” She never interacted with anyone or tried to start up a conversation, she just wanted to be around people, and she loved it. She was always disappointed if the weather prevented her walk. I always noticed that she seemed brighter and happier after her walk.

Another simple way to become more social is to sit in on religious services. Just being there is also an excellent way to be social without having to do any interactions. Most places of worship welcome new members. While it would be great to join the choir or a group, many people might find that overwhelming in the beginning. Best to start small. Attend a few services, and notice if people begin to greet you. Once you feel comfortable, you might want to participate more and more.

The following advice is a bit odd but fun. Get more haircuts. Hairdressers are natural talkers. You can practice your social skills and begin to make connections. Plus, hairdressers tend to know activities and stuff going on in the area, so you might even make a connection. On the same token, rather than shopping at the large grocery market where no one knows you, try shopping at a trying a small store, butcher shop, or small vegetable stand. The more you come in, the more they will know you and start up conversations.

Blog tags

mental health

wellness

The Expert Angle

mental health awareness month

well being

professional care

center for family services

social services

Richard Lange, Ph.D., LPC, LCSW