The Challenges, Fears, and Emotions of Addiction from Both Sides

Tara Aquila — Fri, 01 Oct 2021 14:28:50 +0000

The Challenges, Fears, and Emotions of Addiction from Both Sides Tara Aquila Fri, 10/01/2021 - 10:28

When a loved one starts their recovery journey it’s natural for friends and family to feel scared, nervous, and overwhelmed. Their lives can often feel like a rollercoaster of emotions. They’ve experienced so much heartache already they often become laser focused on expecting the next bad thing to happen or fear the past so much they struggle with how to reconnect with their loved one and how to welcome them back into their everyday lives. Something as simple as having a “normal conversation” with their loved one becomes overwhelming.

But, underneath your loved one’s addiction is the person you knew before their lives became unbearable due to their substance use disorder.

Working with these families and friends of individuals struggling with addiction at Center For Family Services’ ReConnections program over the last three years has been one of the most rewarding jobs I could ever dream of. Why? Because it feels good to help families learn how to persevere during a time in their life that feels very scary.

But, the greatest gift I’ve learned is that reconnecting with a loved one is possible. With the support of ReConnections, families and friends find themselves back at a place with their loved one where they enjoy doing most things they have missed dearly. These moments help not only the family member but also the individual in recovery remember happy memories, and take that along with them in helping themselves sustain recovery.

Through ReConnections, participants learn to find gratitude in the everyday and to communicate how they feel before they react to a loved one’s situation. They set up healthy boundaries that allow their relationships with their loved ones to continue on a positive path. When families learn how to have empathy as well, it gives them the opportunity to sit in someone else’s shoes. Reconnecting takes time, it takes learning new skills, and it takes patience. It’s not a one-way street; it requires the entire family, including the individual with the substance use disorder, to try to rebuild the relationship. But it’s worth it. Most importantly, ReConnections is always there to help make that process easier.

The remainder of this blog entry shares a look into addiction from two different perspectives. First, the perspective of someone with a substance use disorder and what they wish their family and friends knew about their experience. Second, the perspective of what family and friends wish their loved one know about their experience living with a loved one struggling with addiction. Empathy is imperative to the recovery journey, for both the person struggling with substance use disorder and their family and friends. The following perspectives provide a glimpse into each sides emotions, fears, and challenges.

The perspective of someone with a Substance Use Disorder

It isn’t your fault.

There isn’t anything “more” that you can do.

Your support is valued but underappreciated because we’re consumed by self-centeredness.

I don’t hate you.

I am so much harder on ourselves than you ever could be.

I’m sorry but I don’t know how to say it because we are so ashamed of our actions.

I hate stealing your peace, money, belongings and time but I can’t handle the withdrawal symptoms.

You having boundaries is the best thing you could ever do for my long-term recovery, even though I don’t see that at the time.

Your desire for me to get clean and sober is not enough to get us clean and sober. I have to be ready.

Just because I don’t want to use anymore isn’t enough of a reason for me to start my recovery.

I need to hit my bottom to fully surrender.

When I pick back up and relapse I are so disappointed in myself and scared of disappointing you again.

I just want to make you proud.

I love you, even when I’m actively using, I just don’t love myself.

Thank you for not giving up hope.

The perspective of family and friends with a loved one with Substance Use Disorder

How I knew firsthand, your family history of addiction and felt hopeless to intervene when you started using drugs/alcohol.

How I could not trust anything you said, who you were with, what you were doing, where you were going.

How I knew you were lying as the words came out of your mouth.

How much it hurt to not have the normal expectations and dreams for you.

How I turned into the extreme co-dependent parent, all the while hating that type of relationship, yet hoping you would appreciate my efforts.

How scared I was to get calls from the police.

How your anger projected onto me and how you would deflect anything I confronted you with, turning every encounter into a screaming match.

How I never wanted to go to support meetings for fear of seeing parents who lost their children, but yet it was the only place that people understood my walk with you.

Blog tags

Recovery

Substance Use Disorder

Challenges

Emotions

Julia Jolles, Living Proof Recovery Center Staff

A Recovery Pathway That Worked for Me – Building a Better Foundation

Tara Aquila — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 17:23:09 +0000

A Recovery Pathway That Worked for Me – Building a Better Foundation Tara Aquila Wed, 09/15/2021 - 13:23

There are many pathways an individual can take to help them in their recovery process. These pathways are not only about getting free of the craving, but it is about healing your mind, body, and spirit. My pathway to recovery hasn’t always been traditional, but I found what works me.

I realized I needed to find my personal pathway to recovery in May 2016. I was sick of feeling unfulfilled in my life and tired of making poor choices. I had been arrested for a DUI and while sitting in the cold jail I had the chance to reflect on where my life was going and began to come to the realization that I needed to build a foundation for myself and get the help I desperately needed.

This self-reflection was the beginning of my turning point. It started simply for me: I began attending AA meetings and focused on my self-care. Under the direction of my council, I continued to attend AA meetings, focused on my education, and began working on building a better foundation for myself.

Today, I am working on helping others improve their life in recovery. By sticking to what worked for me, my pathway to recovery has led me to working as a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist. I’ve learned that I have compassion for individuals still finding their path out of addiction and that I can use my lived experiences and the struggles I faced to help others. I don’t want to see another individual stuck in the situations I experienced.

Each individual walking the path of addiction has a different story, no two are alike and each situation requires different approaches. Being able to even just be a part of that process in helping someone obtain the services they need gives me a sense of pride in my own recovery. I am thankful to be able to help others through my work here at Center For Family Services.

When I help a client identify just one internal motivator that helps them realize recovery is possible, it brings me satisfaction. Satisfaction that I’m doing what I need to do and I’m right where I’m intended to be.

To become successful in one's recovery, you must be open to going through many channels until you find the right one. Individuals can utilize Medication-Assisted Treatment to help reduce the intensity of withdrawal symptoms, cravings and reduce the likelihood of use or relapse. Working on yourself isn't only about medication but about education and willingness to change one's situation.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy allows a client to distinguish between thoughts and behaviors. This therapy involves developing strategies to tolerate craving, negative emotions, thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. Another method is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which focuses on challenging and changing cognitive distortion and behaviors.

There are several other therapies, but those are to be discussed between you and your counselor. Finding a pathway to recovery is a personalized process and will take time and exploration. To remain successful in your recovery, you must find what works for you.

Recovery is a lifelong process. In order to remain successful, one must work at it every day. I choose to continue to further my education to help as many people as possible start their own journey from addiction to recovery. Everyone requires services that are specific to them, by continually working on myself and exposing myself to these situations, I’m able to offer the encouragement they need. By helping others find their recovery I’m doing my part to remain thankful for mine.

Blog tags

Recovery

Pathway to Recovery

Certified Peer Specialist

Living Proof Recovery Center

Personalized Process

Addiction

Vanessa Puk

Living Proof Recovery Center Staff